hvn been blogging for a long time.kind of neglected this place..perhaps its cos i treat this place like a rubbish dump.where i dump whatever feelings that i dont want.anws since im here..
lately feeling kind of hostile towards a certain person.its not like that feeling wasnt there before,just that after hearing a few things,its getting worse.in fact,somehow im already starting to hate the whole bunch of those people.was i ever close to them?some.did they ever regard me as a good friend?honestly i dont think so.who am i to them?just someone who they talk to when no one else is around?sorry then but.get out of my sight.claiming to be friends.how true are you?ive seen through you for the 2nd time.and youve let me learnt that i shld trust in my judgement and perception.when i decided to be pretentious and ignore others.this is what i get.okay thanks then.
things felt kind of different since i went there.i have this new bunch of friends,got kind of closer to some of them.then..things happened.finding that its impossible to please different groups of people at the same time.im going to make a decision soon.will i regret this decision?hope not.ive regretted the last few.perhaps it is just my adventurous attitude.trying new things,different variations.not sticking to the conventional method of doing things.i just want to know what would happen otherwise,ignoring the other consequences.ive lost much just cos of this quality.someone in cchms.a few of them.and latest.one in another co.doesnt matter?who am i to know or care?they sound familiar to you?oh well.
and im getting less bothered with school work lately.that kind of sucks,and my timetable just doesnt fit.i only have tuesdays,but ive been using most of the tuesdays for my medical appointments.dental and hand.
and ive decided to take ruan lessons,seriously.i dont really have the intention of wanting to compete honestly.i just wanna be a better player.keep pushing myself..its somewhat an interest to me.i duno how long this feeling will last,but i dont really think i shld give up.certain pieces that i wna learn and be able to play..just as a benchmark - "ive been there and done that".i really duno how far i can go..and i feel like buying.its a kind of passion.i kind of hate the fact that i dint know better when i started learning.or i could have been far in this line now.
im now stuck at a crossroad.where shld i head?what shld i do?who shld i trust?i guess.its time to throw those junk feelings away.thanks for letting me know that.early.youre the one i shld thank.i duno if i shld hate you or not..cos youre just there.for me to know.that ive made mistakes.mistakes that made me lose a friend.someone who i kind of shared interests with and was able to trust.you were special to me.people say that they lose themselves and they are unable to decide properly.youre the one who made me understand that.you still are special to me..would you ever understand...?did you know that?i feel that ive lost myself.i cant find myself back..can you tell me?able to console others yet unable to console myself.im a failure.
the feeling of not feeling and not being able to feel.can you feel it?
be my sweetheart(: @ 1:57 AM
PROFILE
Shenglong :D
16+ years old Date of Birth: 24June1992 Horoscope Sign: Cancer
loves
theres no need for love.
hates
myself.
wants
to be alone.
contact
blur_sleeper@hotmail.com ADD me in MSN if you know me