2.I still emo often ):

as for the rest..well.i would prefer to not say it.its better to keep quiet.and i feel that theres no need to blog about daily life..unless its some highlights.its not like they dont happen to anyone who happens to read this blog.its more about how i feel..its like..filtering off the less major stuff here.things that can come here do,and those that i dont think would be wise to be here.just dont come.

honestly,i dont really know what being in there for 4 years has taught me. being one who observes, its hard to not see that people are materialistic.to the extent of not making friends with those who arnt "up to standards".honestly whats with these people.and somehow it gave me a very wrong perception.

sometimes i really feel sandwiched between "like to" and "should".one is what i see,the other is what the world/majority sees.for that matter,people end up following what others think is right, in other words the "should".seeing much of this sort of affects me.it is just hard to accept that what you are doing is outstanding from others, and that its something that others dont like.somehow my point of view is always different from others, and it just sucks to have people saying "you shouldnt do this" when its a passion.

having said that,i kind of hate my world now.hate my environment and how realistic it is.I believe that from small,everyone has their dreams.say, being an astronaut or a doctor,pilot etc. As others make the decision based on what they feel is good for them, they have closed the doors to such adventures that the child would like.slowly that child grows up,and from answers like "i want to be a astronaut" to "i dont know what i really want."this is exactly the reason why people have normal lives.wakeup work sleep.this makes me hate my world,and it has turned me from a noisy kid to someone who keeps everything to myself.

im a quiet person?no you just dont know me.sorry but try harder next time.(:

also,being a lazy perfectionist sucks.eying for the best but lazy to work for it..somehow it doesnt work out.how many things have i given up just cos i wasnt able to "get/be the best".i gave up playing sports cos i could not win others at it,i gave up piano lessons cos i hated the fact that i couldnt play as well as others.alot more..humanities cos i couldnt understand the reason behind everything.also things like maple,cos its impossible to beat the no-lifers.tried to be one,failed.came to poly,wanted to aim for perfect score.failed.joined co to do certain things,but somehow it just doesnt work out,and i feel like quitting alr.dint want to get into jc cos i couldnt get into the good ones.once gave up on zr cos i couldnt play as well as others..its about being materialistic.

i feel that ive totally disappointed these few people..parents - go for it if its your interest.. others who supported me before i gave up cos i dint hit my standards. her for telling me that having the best is what life is not,be satisfied with what you have/are.and the few people who helped me throughout,but somehow ditched aside cos i was doing other things.im a total letdown.and when you come back,some of those people are there for you,some are just lost.they watch you fail and they say.try again next time.but failure is disheartening.

and lastly i would like to thank a few people for being there.i dont really like to name names,so im just going to say who they are to me.parents for one..her who accepted my requests at her expense and being treated like youre insignificant to me.theres no point in going back now,but if you see this.i really appreciate you for being in my life.(: and also these 2 zr seniors for listening to me whine and emo.honestly you are the reason for me still staying here.thank you.and also this clique that i had in my upper sec life who cheers me up when im down and having those funny class times xD.and last but not least,this lil girl who makes me laugh somehow even when im sad,accompanying me and still getting dao-ed by me whenever i feel like being lazy to reply.for being that funny person.its fate to know you,even though we have other stuff outside this game..thanks for being my mei.:D

and if youre wondering why im being so random..you never know when life ends.*(:*